Hey ya'll. Ya'll dont know me & im sure not many people will come to read this blog but thats ok. Most of the reason why Im doing this is to keep myself saine since taking my self off of Instagram, for now at least. Let me say this right now- I at times, I will be talking about my divorce, past realationship I just got out of (not my choice), ending friendships due to betrail, miscarrages, my exhusband taking my dog away from me whome I took care of and loved since day one. There will also be happy things on here, dont worry. But if this blog is too sad, or dumb for you, or if your going to be rude and say everyone has these problems, your right! But this is how im dealing - move right along. No ones forcing you to read.
SO lets start where it all began. I wont go into details today but give a list of how and where my demise slowly started and how im trying to pick the pieces up and put them back together with tape. Anytime Im talking mad shit on someone ( sorry, not sorry) its because they deeply hurt me and even though there most likly a snake in the grass I wont put their real names out there so I will make up a name with a * on it so you know thats not the real name. There is really one person I may do this with so hopfully things wont get confusing.
SO. Got married to my ex husband on Halloween night 2013. Marrage was ok, nothing great but i was greatful to be "happy". I thought I was happy. But then that turned to him never doing anything with me. Never wanted to walk the dog together, never wanted to go biking, anything unless it had anything to do with alchohol, never would get any attenchion or affection from him- it was always me hugging him, kissing him, telling him that I loved him. We both had jobs but I cleaned the house in most of my spare time and used my one off day from work (Sundays) to do the fun stuff like skatboarding. He literally was just always on the couch. Any friends events I had to convince him to go but had to convince him even more if it was a family christmas or if my brother was in town from Houston who we didnt see often. Shit got old.
January 2020 A few days after New Years I was spending the weekend in NOLA with one of my dearest friends, Memz. Started having a missacarge while there. So in June 2020 I finally admitted to myself my marraige wasnt working for me and i was unhappy with my life. By July I had told my (ex) husand there was a problem and I wanted to try being separated and moved out into my friend Weeklys home with her & her two boys Joe (5) & James (3). She helped me out tramendously. All threw out the separation I found out that my exhusband was fucking other people all while cornereing me when packing up my things at his house asking me not to date, etc. At some point I ended up chatting with a friend via text who lived in Michigan. We flirted but he lived hundreds of miles away, so I knew it woundt work and that I probably didnt really mean anything to him beging that he would ghost me all of the time. But when we chatted, it was nice to have someone to talk to that wasnt from my town being that I couldnt trust most people (my ex at this point started seeing one of my best (ex) friends) - well get to that soon enough. At some point he ghosted me so much that I took it personlly and stopped texted when he would. So that whole summer I had to deal with hearing about my ex husband doing drugs, sleeping with, etc with my best friend. A lot of drama and rumors. Im sure some where actual rumors and some where true. Because ive leanred this girl only spoke half truths to keep her "ass clean". She would tell you the truth but leave out the bad parts to keep herself looking like the good person/friend she was or that someone did her dirty. That all caught up to her. And for the rumor parts, she never denied anything untill right before she left the state (i never got a "lets talk", "thats not true", " i know what it looks like but were just friends"....nothing, dead cold silence) SO either way, she made herself look bad. ANYWAY, I think around August I had met my now ex boyfriend, Fred* and by January 2021 we were dating, and by July 2021 I was dumpt.
So here we are now. I have major issues atm but am working on them. Ive decided that the next few blogs will go into detail on each life experience just becasue this is a way for me to heal. Im 34 years old & I have my very first therapy session today, lol. All of this being said, since being dumpt ive lost weight becasue ive lost my appitie. The thought of eating makes me want to vomit at times or if I do eat something thats not light I also feel sick. The only time ive been able to eat normally is when Im with my friend Lauren for some reason. Ive also not had a good nights sleep since idk when until i was just perscribed my anxiety medication. Ive cried single day since I was dumpt and at times mutipule times a day. Ive had severe panic attacks at random. All the while Im still freinds with Fred* and we text at times which I know dosnt help my situtaion but Im not willing to let him go in that way. Some days I wake up a complete mess and others I wake up happy and knowing Ill get threw this and "fuck him". But latley out of now where my anxiety became almost crippling in a way of for a week now Ive had this chest pressure and couldnt breath compeletly right with a pain in my heart. I was so paraniod that it was covid even though ive read over and over that chest symptoms are not the first (and even though i had no other symptoms) I went get tested...twice. Both were negative but the doctor gave me a EKG after describing the chest thing & that test came back abonormal and was told to follow up with my regural doctor. SO....i either have extrem anxiety and/or heart issues lol. This dude literally broke my heart lol.
I know most of you (or no one since no ones reading this) that im being stupid about this dude dumping me being that we only dated for 6 months. Well...I love him. After the break up he told me that he fell in love with me when I took him out to my family camp and that he was sorry that he was telling me threw text. It is what it is. I can not help the way that I feel about this dude and I also cant help I also feel stupid for feeling the way I feel. I didnt ask for this. I wasnt even looking for someone but it happened. I do feel like he was my soul mate. To think, after years of unhappyness to fianlly find someone that makes you feel compelete ( or almost) just for the universe to take that away, lol. A crule joke. Anyway, Ive typed enough for one night. Maybe next time or sometimes soon ill add some pictures of me & Daisy.
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